I can't write a post.
Cause I have a horrid post in my draft folder.
It sits there, waiting..... To be exposed.
I don't want to hurt anyone, by my need to re-visit and sort through my childhood crap. I don't want it to set any one back from their own progress in healing. I certainly don't lay blame to anyone.
I just don't know what to do.
But I need... to get this out. I need the truth revealed. I need people to say that is horrid and wrong and bad. Cause when you lock stuff away in your child's heart. There is a horrible part that lingers, and says..yes.. you were right to not say anything, not to tell.
And that is bullshit.
I have found a release here, an outlet. And the pull and need to write here, is beyond anything else.
So...again I am sorry for a variety of reasons. And if you have any thoughts on this, say something. I don't care what it is.
Anything, at all.
Hello dear Rexy. Would sending it by email work?
ReplyDeleteThanks Jen, That could possibly work. I just feel stories overlapping and I am conscious of others that maybe upset at this. I would not detail anything, or name anyone, but still its enough to be a very serious revelation, for some. I could e-mail it to you.. I don't think it would upset you. If you were okay with that? It means a lot that you responded here, that in it self has helped with the process. xxx
DeleteI think the email idea is a good one if you are concerned about any backlash. However, I am a firm believer that the truth shall set you free. So long as you are ready to sort through whatever unfolds from that I would say its OK to post it...
ReplyDeleteThank-you Nell, and this is where I am torn. I only touch on issues, but feel if I don't show the truth of my feelings, then I will be doing what i did when I was a child. Holding it all in, and excepting all the abuse happening around me. To think that was normal. And as you know when you are raising a boy, it a can be challenging to understand how to communicate with them. I have to deal with this, for my children's health too. Actually, for my whole family.
DeleteIt's a challenge isn't it Rex, to protect our children from making the same mistakes as we did but at the same time not projecting our experiences on them, lest they repeat because of us. Thinking of you.
DeleteThank-you Kylie. Very true, its a desperate cycle. I want my kids to have freedom and experience. But I dont know I can trust the world, not to hurt them either.
Deleteit must be so hard for you to need to tell something so close to you but be afraid that it may hurt others.
ReplyDeleteAlways remember that Cass and I are here for you whenever you need. I know that talking to us might not seem great to you but you've been there for us through everything basically our whole lives so we're are both more than happy to help with anything.
Love you and hope you find peace soon xx
This made me cry. It means so much to hear. Thankyou for being so sweet and saying this.
ReplyDeleteLove you guys too. xxoo
Reading this post after I just read the one you did eventually write makes me understand even more how deeply you agonised over it. I think there is a way of revealing truth that is safe. Because the truth DOES set you free (and others). Locking stuff away in your child-heart is a huge stone to carry. I hope you feel the weight lifted now.
ReplyDelete