When I became aware of the atrocities that occurred at the idyllic school I chose for my children, my heart could have burst and broke in two. The school children, we as parents and guardian to, failed them.
I could say perhaps we had blinkers on not wanting to see or was it ignorance. The children seemed to be happy and go lucky, normal schoolyard bickering. Little did we know the underbelly and the sordid shameful harmful violent secrets that were occurring. And yet.... I was aware of a very badly behaved group of boys who made derogatory comments and sexist remarks, who also treated me with contempt when I tried to discipline them, when I was a relieving teacher.
The schoolyard was not given proper surveillance.
My guilt in not investigating more is with me, my ignorance also. It was not till later did I learn of sexual abuse and it's hidden trauma, as well as how to look for the cues and identify it in children.
If I had known, my anger would not have abated for those precious children I adored. I would want to gather those beautiful children in my arms and sooth and protect and make their childhood play safe.
I would have wanted to create a safe place to express their hurt and pain.
I have so much admiration for the women who are supporting and helping each other through their healing, exposing the suppressed pain and hurt of what they witnessed or directly experienced.
My love can not wash it away, but I am with you all in spirit and believe so much in the tenacity of the fragile beautiful spirit of those who maintain integrity, respect, truth and love.
My question to myself as a parent and a teacher is, Did I pave the the way for our children to tell us of their fears and hurts. Did I encourage enough assertiveness? Did I listen enough?
This is now my vocation in life.
Thankyou Mum for writing this.
ReplyDeleteIn my journey to expose some truths, I need to to have acknowledgment and support. A belief and trust. At the moment I struggle with trust in the school system. I have some work to do. But I will carry on making schools aware of the importance of supervision in kids, of all ages. This is so important.
xx
WOW! It sounds as though you both have the support of each other and can move forward together in a safe way with your children/grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteI have seen too many women not have the needed support, and too often, denial from family. This is a blessing.
Very true Nell. I am lucky that way. It Just took a while to aknowledge it to myself.
DeleteThankyou x
Thank you so much V for your words. They mean so much when I remember not having a voice back then. At least, a voice that no-one listened to. I don't think I've ever told you how much I appreciated having your place to go to, and how I still see it as my second home. I felt safe and loved there, even when I fell face-first into the horse shit! Thank you, so much. xxxxxooooo
ReplyDelete(I think it's important for me to say, for those reading who are not part of this story, that I was not the victim of sexual abuse.)
Oh yes the horse SHIT! That was awesome! I remember you standing in the mirror looking at your self soooooo pissed off, then trying not to laugh.. you finally cracked a smile..... hehehe.
ReplyDeleteI am glad people enjoyed coming to our place. Even when Dad would just walk around is his effing underpants all the time! Soooooo embarrassing!
Thanks for you response here, I know its hard. xxxxoooo