Screaming.

I was floating in the middle of our dam yesterday evening. Just keeping my body coated in that warm top layer of water. An inch underneath my body, the coldness lurked with it's threat to compel me to scream, once again, as any part of my body penetrated it's freezing depths. 

The water was like black and silver slate, ripping lightly against the thick heat that was mustering in the air. 

I lay there with ears submerged, blocking the sounds of everything out there. Perfect peace. The clouds were moving fast, a soft white against the perfect blue. The above layer of clouds were moving north, while the lower layer was moving south and they were darker and thicker intensifying their moisture. Passing each other to their ultimate destination. The effect was surreal. But REAL.

It's soothing and stunning this majestic little lagoon of water and this maybe the last day of this hot summer weather, the last swim for this beautiful season as we move into the next.

For those moments I floated, I felt weightless. like a winged creature soaring backwards beneath the clouds. All sounds gone but for the tickling of water around my head. My focus on what was above me, only. My body felt so connected to the earth, I wished it was like this always. 

I don't know if words will really describe what I want to say here. Only that along with the beautiful peace, there was a vast healing and abstract sadness. That people rarely connect this way. That not all people get to feel this way.

When I did scream out, in my displeasure at the coldness, it gave me power and strength and unadorned delight, all at once. Wayne laughed at me. Mana paddled towards me with utter elation at her mothers exuberance. Jonah screamed with delight as he ran around the edge of the dam. And all of this.... set the dog off barking, with his own excitement at wanting to join in.

We were alive, with realness and nothing else mattered.

This is all I want for our children, all four of them, to feel this love from the earth, to know this realness, and that in their future they may know how to come back to this. To centre themselves. We can teach them this, this one thing....... Always, to know what's real. We teach them in our own reality.