I'v tried to write here a dozen times, but however way I try, it feels so unsatisfactory. So I delete and try again. But nothing is working. The topic feels wrong, the substance seems empty and my style wanky. Everything seems pretentious and shallow.
My focus is lost. It feels a bit like flailing in the deep dark ocean, where the waves are crashing at me and I can't see behind me, or in front of me. And all I hear is the water rushing through my ears.
Even as I am writing this, I'm belittling it to a microscopic piece of dust. It has no meaning, no beginning, no ending. It's all over the place.
It feels like this blog is a luxury, that I don't deserve. That it is sub-standard, wasteful and pointless.
All I can do is be honest, and be me.
I am tired of holding it all close, but wanting to let it all out.
I am adrift, and can not unfurl my Ideas, thoughts, frustrations, art, future and past. Everything.
So. I'm taking a break, until I can get my shit together.
I sound rash, I know. I don't intend to be away too long. And if there is any one still reading here, I apologise for my tantrum, and probably just need a good sleep. x
ReplyDeleteHi Rex. You've just lost tough with the things that inspire you. So here is an exercise to help you shift your consciousness. Take a writing pad and pen, drive up to Mt William and walk on the road up to the look out. Half way up there is a little spot off the road where you can look out over cathedral range. Sit for a while and just look. Then take your writing pad and write 5 things you notice in the world around you, then write 5 things you notice about what's inside of you. Then walk back down to the car, come home, make a nice cup of tea and write them down in point form in your blog. Maybe point form is a way of simplifying the need to say too much. Personally I think you have a tremendous talent for writing. I dont spend any time in blog world and maybe you do. Maybe you are feeling to judge yourself against others, maybe you simply have a block. What happened to your art projects? It stopped at the self portrait! Maybe that's it ;) get your Freida Kahlo books out for some inspiration. Love and miss you xx Jen
ReplyDeleteI think about you every day….. In one form or another. I started the self portrait in january, and completely kept putting it off. Then I worked on it last week. But it completely transformed into something non portrait like. I am having trouble in focussing my creative thoughts. We are off to the museum and zoo tomorrow with a stay at the nunnery, so maybe get some city inspiration happening. spent the morning with the other Jen today, you need to come back for a visit soon my dear. xxxx I will definitely do the Mt. William writings
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